I find myself in a horrible space today. I feel disconnected and unreal and separated from Being. My thoughts are rampant and volatile and nonsensical, full of formless anger and hatred and self-loathing and exhaustion. My state of mind alters and falters constantly and irrationally and without reason, forever into oblivion. I cannot make sense … Continue reading In The Ear Hole With An Ice Pick
A Mild Psychotic Trip
We were in the car, cruising dreamily along Lakeshore Drive, eyes like flying saucers peering out into the blanket of cool, black void consuming the vast expanse of Lake Michegan, when the waves began to wash up my spine, shockingly cool, with a strangely serene froth lapping at the bank of my lizard brain. Time … Continue reading A Mild Psychotic Trip
A Moral Quandary?
I began a discussion with some online friends and acquaintances by asking for opinions related to art created by figures who have, for one reason or another, fallen on the wrong side of history, i.e. Richard Wagner, Louis-Ferdinand Céline, H.P. Lovecraft, T.S. Eliot, et cetera, and whether their work in light of what we know … Continue reading A Moral Quandary?
Ice Picks and Membranes
I am having a really difficult time resolving my internal chaos and the bullshit that all entails with being a person in a relationship who can't always control how I lash out in moments of impulsive volatility and it's really fucking wearing on me. "Most people don't realize that two large pieces of coral, painted … Continue reading Ice Picks and Membranes
Embrace The Noose
. I came to a stark and sobering realization tonight. I am such a polluted and poisonous toxic black hole of a person and so completely consumed by self-loathing and unfathomable emptiness and insecurity that I cannot help but find the cracks and minuscule flaws in everyone and everything around me and exploit them, violently … Continue reading Embrace The Noose
To Be Someone
The place we come To mend ourselves After abject cranial explosions Is littered with the remains Of those who have Come apart before us Either not reassembled, or perhaps Put back together with a Few extra pieces remaining These parts are discarded, left behind And we try to assemble them Make some sense of what … Continue reading To Be Someone
A Video With Music and Things
I spent the better part of the day today trying to run from the voices in my head, so I buried myself in clouds of medical marijuana and creative pursuits, and came out with a pretty shithouse music video for one of my favorite tracks made by the band for whom I do vocals. We're … Continue reading A Video With Music and Things
A Labyrinth of Twisted Abjection, Part I
"This digressed mind is a labyrinth of twisted abjection..." - Michael IX Williams • Abjection is a sort of perpetually bleak, depressed, hopeless, dejected state of mind and being. I have been feeling particularly abjected as of late, even after the most recent stay in the funny farm. • My memory of my struggle with … Continue reading A Labyrinth of Twisted Abjection, Part I
“Sometimes I’m stuck together…”
"...sometimes I'm so unglued..." Eyehategod, lyrics by Mike IX Williams https://youtu.be/nVhh6QPNayo I came out of a level 1 psychiatric hospital two days ago after a two week stay for suicidal and homicidal ideation during a psychotic episode. At the time I felt more than ready to come back out to "reality," but that euphoria soon … Continue reading “Sometimes I’m stuck together…”
Not A Proper Post (but here ya go)
The Wvrm, the Slvg, the Pillow, and the rest of The Horde are chock full of clonazepam and goddamn government approved freedom loving tax supporting medical marijuana and we're on the bus with the most insane grindcore known to man blasting in our earholes and a bunch of other wack jobs on their way to … Continue reading Not A Proper Post (but here ya go)
