A Conversation With The Ryan

alone in the doom

where have you been?

i was…away.

we’ve looked everywhere.

i wasn’t hiding. i needed time.

we were all lost without you. he was here.

who?

the dark crow man.

he is always here. he’s one of us.

but he was the one, with you away. he was the I.

sometimes we need to go to the places only he can take us. and i needed to be away.

were you afraid?

i am always afraid. aren’t you? that’s what makes us brave. we can be afraid and it doesn’t ruin us.

but you ran away. you left us.

i didn’t run away. i ran towards. i needed to face it.

couldn’t you face it here?

i needed time alone, with just i and the fear. i couldn’t bring us all. it wasn’t safe.

it didn’t feel safe here. there are too many shadows when the dark crow man is the one.

there are always shadows. some of us are shadows. some of us don’t like to admit these truths. that’s part of the fear.

we are all so silent when he is the I.

this is also part of the fear. we all must learn to speak, even through the gloaming silence. if we can only speak when we are comfortable, we will only ever speak of comfortable things. some songs of utmost beauty are pieced together with the most dolorous of notes, sung in a chorus of melancholy voices.

i am glad you are back.

i was never away.

Schizophrenic Self Portrait, 18 May 1991, by Bryan Charnley

Schizophrenic Self Portrait, 18 May 1991, by Bryan Charnley


© Ryan Scott Sanders and Dharma and Belligerence: Mad Rants from a Free-Range Buddhist Hooligan, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ryan Scott Sanders and Dharma and Belligerence: Mad Rants from a Free-Range Buddhist Hooligan with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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