Just Hipster Things

Hipster Peer Pressure

I have been accused of being a “fucking hipster douche bag” on occasion. Usually the petitioner is my girlfriend (this is how I know she loves me). At first, I admit, I was a bit dismayed by the accusations. Even appalled. But, I have since learned to embrace my so-called “hipsterisms” as simply a part of who I am. It just so happens that those parts are also increasingly being embraced by the fucking hipster douche bag community (no offense, brahs). In other words, I was cool before it was Cool, man!

Hipster Jesus

What do I mean when I say hipster? So, so many things… The primary problem in talking about what a hipster “Is” is that “Hipster” is beyond definition, beyond Form. Beyond Plato.

Hipster Plato

To define hipsterdom would be to classify hipsteria and therefore place hipsters into a category. To be categorized is to be mainstream, and nothing mainstream can exist as a hipsterism. That’s how Black Holes are created…

Hipster Black Hole

Just writing that paragraph made me 13% more hipster. By allowing said paragraph to enter your delicate little eye-holes, dear reader — even if only for a moment — you have in turn become 33% more hipster. If you are suddenly overcome with the uncontrollable urge to mix flannel and plaid, have rediscovered the sex-appeal hidden behind your sweet, sweet pair of fucking 80s style Ray Bans, or are suddenly scouring the internet for a pristine, unopened vinyl copy of “The ‘Priest’ They Called Him,” do not be alarmed. These are simply the side-effects of your newfound aplomb. Embrace the impudence…

Hipster Level:  INFINITY

Hipster Level: INFINITY

In any case, as they relate to The Ryan, here are some Just Hipster Things:

1. Beards. ALL the beards! That is all.

Epic Hipster Beard Portrait

2. Most of the music I listen to is considered “indie” or “underground.” I genuinely like the band Swans. My lady turned me on to the Black Keys recently, and they are amazing. I was into folk music and post-metal before it was hipster.

Hipster Beethoven

3. I like flannel shirts and combat boots. I own several Fedoras, a stockpile of decommissioned camouflage, AND some of those Five Finger shoes or whatever they’re called. I often dress “eccentrically,” but I just wear what makes sense to me at that moment. I’m not TRYING to be ironic!

4. Tattoos. ALL the tattoos! That is all.

Hipster Face Tattoos

5. I read books by Bukowski, Joyce, Yeats, Pessoa, Kerouac, Burroughs, Thoreau, Emerson, Palahniuk, Nietzsche, Sartre, Heidegger, Dick (heh heh), Gibson, Klosterman, Burgess, Wallace, Kafka, Whitman, Pynchon, Hemingway….

Hipster Thoreau

6. I fancy myself a “writer,” and churn out pretentious, soggy poetry like a college kid off their bipolar meds. “Nobody understands me, I am so alone in this world…” 😉

Hipster Typewriter

7. Vinyl. ALL the vinyl! That is all.

Hipster Vinyl Skrillex

8. I think you should be able to pay for lunch with a song.

Hipster Musician

9. I studied English and Philosophy in college. ENGLISH and PHILOSOPHY. I still do… 😀

Hipster Nietzsche

10. I self-identify as Buddhist, and am interested in Eastern philosophy and spirituality in general. Not because it’s trendy, but because the Dhammapada and Zen Buddhism saved my life. #RealTalk

Hipster Buddha


0))). I ate this thing recently.

Romanesco gypsy cauliflower

It’s called a romanesco cauliflower. #GypsyVeggies It’s proximity to my face hole was made possible through the provisions from a food co-op with which We have recently come to participate. Steamed, buttered, and seasoned, it tasted much like a “normal” cauliflower, only slightly more bold in flavor with a hint of sweetness. I imagine romanesco cauliflower is grown by blasting TOOL songs over loudspeakers in the cauliflower fields during embryogenesis…

TOOL Woah Meme

There’s probably more, but…

In any case, my defense will always be that I do these things or exhibit these traits not to be fashionable or ironic, but because I genuinely enjoy and appreciate them; it is part of who The Ryan “is.”

Listened to "Let It Be" before it EXISTED...

Listened to “Let It Be” before it EXISTED…

In other words, I was hipster before it was hip. Hey mayne, I can’t help it if all these mu-fuckas wanna be like me!

...that boy ain't right...

…that boy ain’t right…

(Except the #CompulsiveHashtagging. That shit is fo’ sho’ #Ironic.)

© Ryan Scott Sanders and Dharma and Belligerence: Mad Rants from a Free-Range Buddhist Hooligan, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ryan Scott Sanders and Dharma and Belligerence: Mad Rants from a Free-Range Buddhist Hooligan with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


25 thoughts on “Just Hipster Things

    • I’ve come to realize that the greatest minds — or, at least those that make the most sense to me — have a touch of the Crazy. It’s what keeps us interesting, interested, and allows us access to those oh so intriguing nooks and crannies of the “animated self-aware meat bag” experience!

      Though, some out there should worry that, thanks to the Internets, people like us are finding each other. Their only hope is that it takes us a while to “organize”…

      Liked by 1 person

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