I have been accused of being a “fucking hipster douche bag” on occasion. Usually the petitioner is my girlfriend (this is how I know she loves me). At first, I admit, I was a bit dismayed by the accusations. Even appalled. But, I have since learned to embrace my so-called “hipsterisms” as simply a part of who I am. It just so happens that those parts are also increasingly being embraced by the fucking hipster douche bag community (no offense, brahs). In other words, I was cool before it was Cool, man!
To define hipsterdom would be to classify hipsteria and therefore place hipsters into a category. To be categorized is to be mainstream, and nothing mainstream can exist as a hipsterism. That’s how Black Holes are created…
Just writing that paragraph made me 13% more hipster. By allowing said paragraph to enter your delicate little eye-holes, dear reader — even if only for a moment — you have in turn become 33% more hipster. If you are suddenly overcome with the uncontrollable urge to mix flannel and plaid, have rediscovered the sex-appeal hidden behind your sweet, sweet pair of fucking 80s style Ray Bans, or are suddenly scouring the internet for a pristine, unopened vinyl copy of “The ‘Priest’ They Called Him,” do not be alarmed. These are simply the side-effects of your newfound aplomb. Embrace the impudence…
In any case, as they relate to The Ryan, here are some Just Hipster Things:
1. Beards. ALL the beards! That is all.
2. Most of the music I listen to is considered “indie” or “underground.” I genuinely like the band Swans. My lady turned me on to the Black Keys recently, and they are amazing. I was into folk music and post-metal before it was hipster.
3. I like flannel shirts and combat boots. I own several Fedoras, a stockpile of decommissioned camouflage, AND some of those Five Finger shoes or whatever they’re called. I often dress “eccentrically,” but I just wear what makes sense to me at that moment. I’m not TRYING to be ironic!
5. I read books by Bukowski, Joyce, Yeats, Pessoa, Kerouac, Burroughs, Thoreau, Emerson, Palahniuk, Nietzsche, Sartre, Heidegger, Dick (heh heh), Gibson, Klosterman, Burgess, Wallace, Kafka, Whitman, Pynchon, Hemingway….
6. I fancy myself a “writer,” and churn out pretentious, soggy poetry like a college kid off their bipolar meds. “Nobody understands me, I am so alone in this world…” 😉
7. Vinyl. ALL the vinyl! That is all.
8. I think you should be able to pay for lunch with a song.
9. I studied English and Philosophy in college. ENGLISH and PHILOSOPHY. I still do… 😀
0))). I ate this thing recently.
It’s called a romanesco cauliflower. #GypsyVeggies It’s proximity to my face hole was made possible through the provisions from a food co-op with which We have recently come to participate. Steamed, buttered, and seasoned, it tasted much like a “normal” cauliflower, only slightly more bold in flavor with a hint of sweetness. I imagine romanesco cauliflower is grown by blasting TOOL songs over loudspeakers in the cauliflower fields during embryogenesis…
There’s probably more, but…
In any case, my defense will always be that I do these things or exhibit these traits not to be fashionable or ironic, but because I genuinely enjoy and appreciate them; it is part of who The Ryan “is.”
In other words, I was hipster before it was hip. Hey mayne, I can’t help it if all these mu-fuckas wanna be like me!
© Ryan Scott Sanders and Dharma and Belligerence: Mad Rants from a Free-Range Buddhist Hooligan, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ryan Scott Sanders and Dharma and Belligerence: Mad Rants from a Free-Range Buddhist Hooligan with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.