I dont know what is going on in my head right now. Have been on a downward spiral for months. Every rock bottom just gives way to a deeper chasm. There will be stacks of days that it feels like things may be improving, moments of clarity and epiphany that seem to lead towards a surface, and then we wind up confused and lost and more mixed up than before. Everyone seems to be telling me different things, no idea which way to turn, path to take, who to trust. Those we have trusted implicitly we have also consumed with our fury, and they failed us even as we pushed them away.
It just gets so fucking loud up here. And it hurts. And it smells of electricity and dampness.