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I’ve heard artists, writers, and other creative types talk about the difficulty of being interrupted, especially callously, when they’re working. I also know that many creative people also suffer from often severe mental illnesses, which themselves are very adept at exacerbating a negative situation. Add a certain level of toxicity to the event, and, well…I’ll just say I can relate.
I have a loving history with suicidal ideation. And perhaps a less loving history with suicide itself. Sometimes I want to kill myself for no reason. Sometimes I just want to relieve some of the pressure, the build-up. Sometimes I hate myself. Most times I hate everybody. One of the last times I tried seeking help for mental issues, I self-rightepisly stormed out after the intake tech accused me of fabricating symptoms after so used the term “suicidal ideation.”
Less often, although increasingly as of late, something as stupid as the actions and behavior of a person I thought I could trust drives me to this place. It doesn’t matter the reason though. I am near the point of giving my very last fuck. In the meantime, maybe I can still make some shitty art.
© Ryan Scott Sanders and Hank The Wvrm, 2014-2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ryan Scott Sanders and Hank The Wvrm, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Music and video material contained, utilized, or linked in this post are the sole intellectual property of Ryan Scott Sanders and Digressed Mind and are protected and copyrighted as such.
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