i shouldn’t be here in this fucked up nightmare
a place as empty and hollow
as i feel within myself
you drove me to this
with your
incessant selfish victim mentality
and your
caustic, toxic hyde projection
the part that hides
in the bottom
of a poison vessel
it makes me fucking hate
everything
i want to love
including you
and i’m so fucking sorry
but i’m not fucking sorry
i fucking hate myself
what kind of being worth anything
would do the things i do
feel the things i feel
say the things i say
i’m a turgid piece of shit
birthed from your disease
and i’m so fucking sorry
i’m not fucking sorry.
•
[This piece was culled from some journal entries made during a stay in a psychiatric hospital mid-2019, which was then the inspiration for a track by my experimental noise project Digressed Mind, on the album Things Of An Oppressive Nature. It deals with some very specific, raw and primal emotions I was trying to reconcile at that time, but also speaks to the universality of mental illness and addiction that so many people must deal with.]
© Ryan Scott Sanders and Hank The Wvrm, 2014-2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ryan Scott Sanders and Hank The Wvrm, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Music and video material contained, utilized, or linked in this post are the sole intellectual property of Ryan Scott Sanders and Digressed Mind, unless otherwise noted, and are protected and copyrighted as such.
