i’m so sorry i’m not sorry

i shouldn’t be here in this fucked up nightmare

a place as empty and hollow

as i feel within myself

you drove me to this

with your

incessant selfish victim mentality

and your

caustic, toxic hyde projection

the part that hides

in the bottom

of a poison vessel

it makes me fucking hate

everything

i want to love

including you

and i’m so fucking sorry

but i’m not fucking sorry

i fucking hate myself

what kind of being worth anything

would do the things i do

feel the things i feel

say the things i say

i’m a turgid piece of shit

birthed from your disease

and i’m so fucking sorry

i’m not fucking sorry.

[This piece was culled from some journal entries made during a stay in a psychiatric hospital mid-2019, which was then the inspiration for a track by my experimental noise project Digressed Mind, on the album Things Of An Oppressive Nature. It deals with some very specific, raw and primal emotions I was trying to reconcile at that time, but also speaks to the universality of mental illness and addiction that so many people must deal with.]

© Ryan Scott Sanders and Hank The Wvrm, 2014-2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ryan Scott Sanders and Hank  The Wvrm, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.  Music and video material contained, utilized, or linked in this post are the sole intellectual property of Ryan Scott Sanders and Digressed Mind, unless otherwise noted, and are protected and copyrighted as such.

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