Looks like it has been around two months shy of three years since I posted here. I barely remember why I stopped posting, stopped writing in general, but I do very much recall the overall "event" that influenced my stepping away. I wrote about some of it here, back then, as I recall, but there … Continue reading Hello, Am I The Me I’m Looking For?
"Waves crash down, unrelenting, unending. We are stone shaped by the force of its abuse; colossal mountain ranges eroded to jagged shorelines; aged cliff tops, decrepit and helpless; earthen cadavers now ripe for mining to the very core of our souls. Or so we would have you think. Magic is willpower. Willpower is magic. Self-knowledge … Continue reading “We are stone shaped by the force of its abuse;”
Oregon Killer's Mother Wrote of Troubled Son and Gun Rights (The New York Times) From what little detail is given in this article concerning the recent mass shooting, it seems clear that the shooter in Oregon had an extensive history of mental illness. Once again, everybody is "up in arms" (pun absolutely intended) on either side … Continue reading Mental Illness and Mass Shootings
I've been trying since February to get help from the government with my mental health bullshit that's been rearing it's ugly, destructive head most of my life. Since then it's been nothing but bureaucratic red-tape clusterfuck inanity. After another extended period of no communication on their end, I called today and found out benefits were … Continue reading Fuck You, Government.
Title from Buzzov*en, "Shove" from the album ...To a Frown I learned something interesting at my head shrinking session a couple days ago. Apparently, the current medical knowledge of the last decade or so indicates that anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication has little or no effect on bipolar symptoms, and in many cases can actually exacerbate … Continue reading Take a look around, man and watch our worlds collide!
I love how it takes me five hours to watch a one hour show because I think I recognize that guy and, wait let me Google movies that star a strong Latino barber, but hang on this Mountain Dew is empty and while I'm up we're out of chips, so I better let the dogs … Continue reading This is why nothing gets done.
Title from Fistula, "Smoke Cat Hair and Toenails", from the album Vermin Prolificus Manic as fuck. This has been building. It's a frantic race to nowhere. A deranged rat on a hamster wheel. The sedatives aren't working ("I think I can handle my sedatives, bro..." -Charlie). Cyclical thought experiments. Running through my past transgressions. Recall, … Continue reading …down on the floor, scratching for more…
Title taken from Nirvana, "I Hate Myself And Want To Die" I've read several posts of late stating September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. I recently blew the mind of a mental health social worker by dropping the term "suicidal ideation" during a clinical assessment. He went on to coyly suggest that, as "suicidal … Continue reading “In the someday, what’s that ‘S’ sound?”
It's been just under six months that I've been completely off any sort of psychiatric medication. The last set of meds I was on triggered strange and terrible bouts of manic insanity, and I wanted to get back to an unmedicated baseline to see what that felt like. At no time in the last six … Continue reading So, you’re just gonna come back around here, show your face again like nothing happened?!
- There's nothing like the smell of wet cow ass in the morning. It smells like...well, like wet cow ass. - Must be a leak over my bunk when it rains heavy, because I slept in a wet spot that I am 98% sure I didn't make. Okay....82% sure. - Is it oxymoronic to despise … Continue reading Musings on a Wednesday: Randomness and Observations