Well, shit...I suppose my "plan" to get back to writing and posting here more regularly hasn't really been seen through, so far. But the thought struck me, like a Nike sneaker to the skull at a hardcore show, as to what the future of this page and my contributions therein should be. And it goes … Continue reading A “New” Direction?
Title from Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show, "The Cover of 'Rolling Stone'" I want to start a one man "band" making loud, angry, destructive heavy music. This is going to be quite a process: 1.))) Dust off my guitar and start jamming. 2.))) Dust off Stacy's old keyboard, and our Grandpa's fucking bad-ass electric organ, and … Continue reading Ah, that’s beautiful… We got a lot of little teenage blue eyed groupies who do anything we say…
Someone dear to me shared this outstanding post from Vice News on the subject of psychiatric medication withdrawal. You can find the original post by following this link.
Below is one of my own rantings on the subject from recent months.
I have been on and off various psychiatric medications for my entire adult life, mostly concurrent with a good fifteen plus years of self-medication with “illicit” drugs and alcohol. Surprise of all surprises, I am also the kind of “adult” who can never seem to get his fucking life together. This instability accounts for my inconsistency with staying on the legal drugs — I lose a job, I lose insurance coverage, I lose my doctor, I lose my mind. In the midst of this, I destroy everything.
Beyond that, I have ever increasing doubts about the efficacy of psych meds at all, coupled with growing anecdotal evidence and research suggesting I’ve never been accurately diagnosed in the first place. But that is a topic for another time…
I mentioned here that, for various reasons and circumstances, I would be going off the current “wonder drug” that I’ve been pumping through…
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“Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night. Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on … Continue reading Alan Moore, Rorschach, and the body
After months of dealing with paperwork, questionnaires, waiting in lines, hours on hold on the phone, ridiculous inquiries, bullshit red tape, and other fucking ridiculousness, I still am no closer to obtaining health insurance. I have no idea what is going on with my mental health disability claim, and am at a loss of who … Continue reading Rantings on Madness with a Dose of Damn the Man
The dreary, morose mood hanging in dense, foreboding clouds over Cheyenne yesterday was ideal to set the day's tone and prepare this sleepy town for the deceptively inconspicuous arrival of two of heavy music's most devastating forces. For a few frenetic hours, downtown Cheyenne's Ernie November store was home to the cataclysmic DOOM of Portland's the body and … Continue reading Released from Hell in Ecstatic Frenetic Suffering: An Evening with the body and Full of Hell
The following are a selection of images from my series of shithouse amateur cell phone photographs entitled "Bro, Do You Even Gloom?" He walked out in the gray light and stood and he saw for a brief moment the absolute truth of the world. The cold relentless circling of the intestate earth. Darkness implacable. The … Continue reading Bro, Do You Even Gloom? (Gallery)
Image by Kurore García This could be the brain cloud talking, but oblivion sounds so goddamn appealing in this moment... Suicidal ideation is often a symptom of mental illness. In a small portion of the population, suicidal ideation is a side-effect of psychiatric medications used to treat mental illness. When stopping the use of psychiatric … Continue reading Ideation on Oblivion
"...and you had to spin this one..." Nothing but fucking nothing helps soothe the gaping, largely self-inflicted wounds of loathing and scornful suffering like this split LP, from two of underground metal's most leaden and caustic purveyors of DOOM. Denver's PRIMITIVE MAN serve up three blistering, misanthropic tracks of seething, tumultuous rage, while St. Louis' … Continue reading Of all the DOOM in all the World…
I have been on and off various psychiatric medications for my entire adult life, mostly concurrent with a good fifteen plus years of self-medication with "illicit" drugs and alcohol. Surprise of all surprises, I am also the kind of "adult" who can never seem to get his fucking life together. This instability accounts for my … Continue reading The Pills You Take To Mend Will Be the Architects of Your Destruction: A Musing on Paxil and the Struggle With Madness