i shouldn't be here in this fucked up nightmare a place as empty and hollow as i feel within myself you drove me to this with your incessant selfish victim mentality and your caustic, toxic hyde projection the part that hides in the bottom of a poison vessel it makes me fucking hate everything i … Continue reading i’m so sorry i’m not sorry
I want to write. I want to document things. Show people things. Film. Photos. I want to. I dunno. Fucking leave something. Something out there some other piece of shit might find that opens something. Makes them think about or feel something they might not have otherwise. But then, at the end of the day, … Continue reading Oh, poor me…
Support the Human Extermination and Decimation Project. Obey your gods. Elect your masters. Kill your neighbors, then yourself. New Digressed Mind song and music video are live NOW. Music for human filth, composed by animal excrement. FOAD. Links below. Kill your neighbors then yourself. Music Video directed by Hank The Wvrm https://youtu.be/DA4DX-JniIg Digressed Mind on … Continue reading Marcy Sings and Ryan Swings (Between Thoughts of Murder and Suicide)
It's been just under six months that I've been completely off any sort of psychiatric medication. The last set of meds I was on triggered strange and terrible bouts of manic insanity, and I wanted to get back to an unmedicated baseline to see what that felt like. At no time in the last six … Continue reading So, you’re just gonna come back around here, show your face again like nothing happened?!
Or. Do. They? O.o 1.))) Every experience in this life is a lesson. The most difficult moments hide the lessons we most resist learning. 2.))) The things that make us angry show us when we need to practice letting go. Typing that sentence is a million times easier than figuring out how to actually do … Continue reading Ten Stupid Things That Sound Intelligent and Profound (Or Do They?)
Someone dear to me shared this outstanding post from Vice News on the subject of psychiatric medication withdrawal. You can find the original post by following this link.
Below is one of my own rantings on the subject from recent months.
I have been on and off various psychiatric medications for my entire adult life, mostly concurrent with a good fifteen plus years of self-medication with “illicit” drugs and alcohol. Surprise of all surprises, I am also the kind of “adult” who can never seem to get his fucking life together. This instability accounts for my inconsistency with staying on the legal drugs — I lose a job, I lose insurance coverage, I lose my doctor, I lose my mind. In the midst of this, I destroy everything.
Beyond that, I have ever increasing doubts about the efficacy of psych meds at all, coupled with growing anecdotal evidence and research suggesting I’ve never been accurately diagnosed in the first place. But that is a topic for another time…
I mentioned here that, for various reasons and circumstances, I would be going off the current “wonder drug” that I’ve been pumping through…
View original post 824 more words
Image by Kurore García This could be the brain cloud talking, but oblivion sounds so goddamn appealing in this moment... Suicidal ideation is often a symptom of mental illness. In a small portion of the population, suicidal ideation is a side-effect of psychiatric medications used to treat mental illness. When stopping the use of psychiatric … Continue reading Ideation on Oblivion
What follows is a selection from The Sacred Lost Tomes of The Ryan, the brief and terrible history of which is glossed over here and here. A lysergic, funereal ode to insomnia and hallucinogen consumption, this piece of shit was written circa 2001, possibly not long after I dreamed I died. one drop i can’t sleep, … Continue reading one drop
I have been on and off various psychiatric medications for my entire adult life, mostly concurrent with a good fifteen plus years of self-medication with "illicit" drugs and alcohol. Surprise of all surprises, I am also the kind of "adult" who can never seem to get his fucking life together. This instability accounts for my … Continue reading The Pills You Take To Mend Will Be the Architects of Your Destruction: A Musing on Paxil and the Struggle With Madness
I am going off my medication. There are several reasons for this. The first is the Perfect Storm I unwittingly rowed into. Without going into too much detail, I ramped up the Crazy, quit my job, lost my insurance, all in the middle of finding out my doctor was retiring from patient practice. Without insurance … Continue reading Crazy Pills and Brain Storms