Title from Buzzov*en, "Shove" from the album ...To a Frown I learned something interesting at my head shrinking session a couple days ago. Apparently, the current medical knowledge of the last decade or so indicates that anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication has little or no effect on bipolar symptoms, and in many cases can actually exacerbate … Continue reading Take a look around, man and watch our worlds collide!
Title from Fistula, "Smoke Cat Hair and Toenails", from the album Vermin Prolificus Manic as fuck. This has been building. It's a frantic race to nowhere. A deranged rat on a hamster wheel. The sedatives aren't working ("I think I can handle my sedatives, bro..." -Charlie). Cyclical thought experiments. Running through my past transgressions. Recall, … Continue reading …down on the floor, scratching for more…
It's been just under six months that I've been completely off any sort of psychiatric medication. The last set of meds I was on triggered strange and terrible bouts of manic insanity, and I wanted to get back to an unmedicated baseline to see what that felt like. At no time in the last six … Continue reading So, you’re just gonna come back around here, show your face again like nothing happened?!
Title: Cage the Elephant, "Spiderhead" from the album Melophobia * Images by Christopher Ian MacFarlane Perhaps one of the times my head explodes, these spiders will come pouring out. There will be casualties. The truly hardy ones will scatter on remaining legs to those dark corners of existence where few would think to find shelter. … Continue reading It all works out in time (You may take my eyes, but baby I’m not blind…)
Title: Fister, "Flail" from the PRIMITIVE MAN/FISTER Split 12" I've been reflecting lately on the pervasive idea that I don't have anyone in my life who I trust implicitly. Obsessive ruminations feeding a chasm of paranoia. An inability to forgive, to see the other side, to let go. Precious solitude reflected in a negative. Strangers … Continue reading Tormentor (I Am The Meteor Hammer)
you're all in on the joke but the only thing i seem to find laughable are the reasons i no longer believe are good enough to not make this the final punchline. © Ryan Scott Sanders and Dharma and Belligerence: Mad Rants from a Free-Range Buddhist Hooligan, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without … Continue reading joke’s on me
Title: Full of Hell; "Thrum in the Deep", from Full of Hell & Merzbow ...a man locked up in a shriveled and frigid selfhood, with no living currency of faith and love between him and his fellow creatures... - Dylan Walker, "Ljudet Av Gud" Everything will be good for a time. A new job. A … Continue reading A Soul Unwound (Ljudet Av Gud) A Thrum In The Deep (The Voice of God)
Goddamnit all. Another blow to progress. The law of averages would suggest that eventually something has to fall into place, but then again, you all know how we feel about "laws" around here... Fuck it. I try to feel fortunate for what I do have and for the support that keeps me from truly being … Continue reading Woe is Me: So Far Down, Still Feeling Kicked
I hate people. It's a horrible thing for an aspiring Buddhist to feel. But, I hate people. I hate their busted faces, and I hate their bullshit opinions, and I hate having to put up with their constant barrage of inane moronic stupidity. But, most of all, I hate that they are goddamn everywhere and … Continue reading Misanthropic Rant Hinged on a Gypsy Dream (No Dharma Here)
Spinning: The Melvins, "Night Goat" I feel like my intellect is the only thing preventing me from diving headlong into insanity with utter abandon. Despite much evidence to the contrary, I am a fairly intelligent bag of meat and calcium, and my philosophical background ensures a certain level of logic and critical thinking. Thus I … Continue reading But You Can Make My Teeth Growl