Title from Buzzov*en, "Shove" from the album ...To a Frown I learned something interesting at my head shrinking session a couple days ago. Apparently, the current medical knowledge of the last decade or so indicates that anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication has little or no effect on bipolar symptoms, and in many cases can actually exacerbate … Continue reading Take a look around, man and watch our worlds collide!
Title from Fistula, "Smoke Cat Hair and Toenails", from the album Vermin Prolificus Manic as fuck. This has been building. It's a frantic race to nowhere. A deranged rat on a hamster wheel. The sedatives aren't working ("I think I can handle my sedatives, bro..." -Charlie). Cyclical thought experiments. Running through my past transgressions. Recall, … Continue reading …down on the floor, scratching for more…
It's been just under six months that I've been completely off any sort of psychiatric medication. The last set of meds I was on triggered strange and terrible bouts of manic insanity, and I wanted to get back to an unmedicated baseline to see what that felt like. At no time in the last six … Continue reading So, you’re just gonna come back around here, show your face again like nothing happened?!
Title: Cage the Elephant, "Spiderhead" from the album Melophobia * Images by Christopher Ian MacFarlane Perhaps one of the times my head explodes, these spiders will come pouring out. There will be casualties. The truly hardy ones will scatter on remaining legs to those dark corners of existence where few would think to find shelter. … Continue reading It all works out in time (You may take my eyes, but baby I’m not blind…)
Title: PRIMITIVE MAN, "Stretched Thin" from the album SCORN I don't yet know where the Scorn lives. But when it comes out to play, it casts its shadow over everything. It permeates unsparingly, absolutely. The things it feeds on die with agonizing deflation. It feeds on all things. When it is here, it is the … Continue reading The Rotten Piece Inside of Me
i can no longer recall who i was before the breaking memories faded, distant brittle frames from home video left out in weather and dust there are hints subtle whispers a scent on the breeze, suggestions of who died that day, reminiscent personality left to rot in so much mire. i miss him a bitter … Continue reading before the breaking
Read "My daughter, who lost her battle with mental illness, is still the bravest person I know" by Doris A. Fuller on The Washington Post. In case some of y'all don't know, this "crazy emo brain cloud bullshit" kills motherfuckers. This kind of story always hits home, because it makes me realize the potential consequences … Continue reading “The demons got my beautiful, loving daughter…” via The Washington Post
- I have that Thou song stuck in my head again. - It's a Nirvana song. - Sure, but it's the version Thou recorded that's stuck in my head. - Our head. - Right. OUR head. - Always is. Nirvana is catchy shit, even when DOOMED the fuck out. - Hell, especially when DOOMED the … Continue reading Manic Conversations By The Ryan, With The Ryan
In about an hour, We shall be venturing out amongst the other monkeys to attempt to procure and nurture basic human kindness and cooperation concerning a "crazy person healthcare provider government insurance clusterfuck" type of situation. There are several local psychiatric care units and hospitals in the greater Tucson area. If things go south here, … Continue reading This could end badly 😉
This is a (clearly) highly manipulated image of my dry erase "organization" board, or "Writer's Board," in my *ahem* office slash work space slash insanity pod slash zen spot slash.... How long can a neurotic slash borderline psychotic slash unhinged silly guy slash funny man hipster insomniac unwillingly exist as both a night owl and … Continue reading What Mania Looks Like?