from everywhere prying eyes gaping maws it is from all time transfixed on this moment on me spikes of electrical current in my spine the worm roils awakened and afraid no path of reprieve the current overtakes me shocked into complacency i desire nothing but nothing.
"...sometimes I'm so unglued..." Eyehategod, lyrics by Mike IX Williams https://youtu.be/nVhh6QPNayo I came out of a level 1 psychiatric hospital two days ago after a two week stay for suicidal and homicidal ideation during a psychotic episode. At the time I felt more than ready to come back out to "reality," but that euphoria soon … Continue reading “Sometimes I’m stuck together…”
The Wvrm, the Slvg, the Pillow, and the rest of The Horde are chock full of clonazepam and goddamn government approved freedom loving tax supporting medical marijuana and we're on the bus with the most insane grindcore known to man blasting in our earholes and a bunch of other wack jobs on their way to … Continue reading Not A Proper Post (but here ya go)
It's been just under six months that I've been completely off any sort of psychiatric medication. The last set of meds I was on triggered strange and terrible bouts of manic insanity, and I wanted to get back to an unmedicated baseline to see what that felt like. At no time in the last six … Continue reading So, you’re just gonna come back around here, show your face again like nothing happened?!
Someone dear to me shared this outstanding post from Vice News on the subject of psychiatric medication withdrawal. You can find the original post by following this link.
Below is one of my own rantings on the subject from recent months.
I have been on and off various psychiatric medications for my entire adult life, mostly concurrent with a good fifteen plus years of self-medication with “illicit” drugs and alcohol. Surprise of all surprises, I am also the kind of “adult” who can never seem to get his fucking life together. This instability accounts for my inconsistency with staying on the legal drugs — I lose a job, I lose insurance coverage, I lose my doctor, I lose my mind. In the midst of this, I destroy everything.
Beyond that, I have ever increasing doubts about the efficacy of psych meds at all, coupled with growing anecdotal evidence and research suggesting I’ve never been accurately diagnosed in the first place. But that is a topic for another time…
I mentioned here that, for various reasons and circumstances, I would be going off the current “wonder drug” that I’ve been pumping through…
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Image by Kurore García This could be the brain cloud talking, but oblivion sounds so goddamn appealing in this moment... Suicidal ideation is often a symptom of mental illness. In a small portion of the population, suicidal ideation is a side-effect of psychiatric medications used to treat mental illness. When stopping the use of psychiatric … Continue reading Ideation on Oblivion
I have been on and off various psychiatric medications for my entire adult life, mostly concurrent with a good fifteen plus years of self-medication with "illicit" drugs and alcohol. Surprise of all surprises, I am also the kind of "adult" who can never seem to get his fucking life together. This instability accounts for my … Continue reading The Pills You Take To Mend Will Be the Architects of Your Destruction: A Musing on Paxil and the Struggle With Madness
I am going off my medication. There are several reasons for this. The first is the Perfect Storm I unwittingly rowed into. Without going into too much detail, I ramped up the Crazy, quit my job, lost my insurance, all in the middle of finding out my doctor was retiring from patient practice. Without insurance … Continue reading Crazy Pills and Brain Storms
I had my first panic attack over Thanksgiving holiday 2009. This is the first experience that I can recall which I would identify as a panic attack. The problem is, most of the preceding decade is full of blank spots, gaps of memory burned and washed away by drugs and booze. When this initial anxiety … Continue reading Brief History of the Addict