. I came to a stark and sobering realization tonight. I am such a polluted and poisonous toxic black hole of a person and so completely consumed by self-loathing and unfathomable emptiness and insecurity that I cannot help but find the cracks and minuscule flaws in everyone and everything around me and exploit them, violently … Continue reading Embrace The Noose
"...sometimes I'm so unglued..." Eyehategod, lyrics by Mike IX Williams https://youtu.be/nVhh6QPNayo I came out of a level 1 psychiatric hospital two days ago after a two week stay for suicidal and homicidal ideation during a psychotic episode. At the time I felt more than ready to come back out to "reality," but that euphoria soon … Continue reading “Sometimes I’m stuck together…”
The Wvrm, the Slvg, the Pillow, and the rest of The Horde are chock full of clonazepam and goddamn government approved freedom loving tax supporting medical marijuana and we're on the bus with the most insane grindcore known to man blasting in our earholes and a bunch of other wack jobs on their way to … Continue reading Not A Proper Post (but here ya go)
Support the Human Extermination and Decimation Project. Obey your gods. Elect your masters. Kill your neighbors, then yourself. New Digressed Mind song and music video are live NOW. Music for human filth, composed by animal excrement. FOAD. Links below. Kill your neighbors then yourself. Music Video directed by Hank The Wvrm https://youtu.be/DA4DX-JniIg Digressed Mind on … Continue reading Marcy Sings and Ryan Swings (Between Thoughts of Murder and Suicide)
Title taken from Nirvana, "I Hate Myself And Want To Die" I've read several posts of late stating September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. I recently blew the mind of a mental health social worker by dropping the term "suicidal ideation" during a clinical assessment. He went on to coyly suggest that, as "suicidal … Continue reading “In the someday, what’s that ‘S’ sound?”
you're all in on the joke but the only thing i seem to find laughable are the reasons i no longer believe are good enough to not make this the final punchline. © Ryan Scott Sanders and Dharma and Belligerence: Mad Rants from a Free-Range Buddhist Hooligan, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without … Continue reading joke’s on me
Someone dear to me shared this outstanding post from Vice News on the subject of psychiatric medication withdrawal. You can find the original post by following this link.
Below is one of my own rantings on the subject from recent months.
I have been on and off various psychiatric medications for my entire adult life, mostly concurrent with a good fifteen plus years of self-medication with “illicit” drugs and alcohol. Surprise of all surprises, I am also the kind of “adult” who can never seem to get his fucking life together. This instability accounts for my inconsistency with staying on the legal drugs — I lose a job, I lose insurance coverage, I lose my doctor, I lose my mind. In the midst of this, I destroy everything.
Beyond that, I have ever increasing doubts about the efficacy of psych meds at all, coupled with growing anecdotal evidence and research suggesting I’ve never been accurately diagnosed in the first place. But that is a topic for another time…
I mentioned here that, for various reasons and circumstances, I would be going off the current “wonder drug” that I’ve been pumping through…
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After months of dealing with paperwork, questionnaires, waiting in lines, hours on hold on the phone, ridiculous inquiries, bullshit red tape, and other fucking ridiculousness, I still am no closer to obtaining health insurance. I have no idea what is going on with my mental health disability claim, and am at a loss of who … Continue reading Rantings on Madness with a Dose of Damn the Man
Image by Kurore García This could be the brain cloud talking, but oblivion sounds so goddamn appealing in this moment... Suicidal ideation is often a symptom of mental illness. In a small portion of the population, suicidal ideation is a side-effect of psychiatric medications used to treat mental illness. When stopping the use of psychiatric … Continue reading Ideation on Oblivion
Read "My daughter, who lost her battle with mental illness, is still the bravest person I know" by Doris A. Fuller on The Washington Post. In case some of y'all don't know, this "crazy emo brain cloud bullshit" kills motherfuckers. This kind of story always hits home, because it makes me realize the potential consequences … Continue reading “The demons got my beautiful, loving daughter…” via The Washington Post